I am one of those people that find it hard to write about nothing. I need something to strike me as interesting or hit me pretty personally, so please forgive me if I am too candid or occasionally too depressing. I'll try to avoid topics that are as sad as this one, but it was one of those situations where I would have written about it anyway, even if it wasn't keeping a blog.
I just got off the phone with my grandma. I've been trying to be better about calling her more often because my grandpa died the week before Thanksgiving this past semester and my grandma doesn't have any other relatives in Wichita where she lives. My grandma is one of the most incredible, intellectually curious, beautiful, amazing people that I have even known. Grams has two bachelor's degrees (anthropology,and botany with a minor in biology) and a master's in urban planning and development and graduated Magna Cum Laude. Did I mention she was also a model?...yeah, my grandma is pretty bad ass. Even with all of her education, when she was 40 and my grandpa's health started to decline, she went back to beauty school, built a salon onto her house and managed to take care of my grandpa and run the shop. I don't know too many people willing to make those kinds of sacrifices.
She didn't just take care of my grandpa, she waited on him hand and foot for at least 25 of their 55 year marriage. Grandpa would always stay just sick enough to have Grams dote on him. He knew he was lucky and adored my grandma, but it would be a lie to not say he exploited the situation.
We all miss my grandpa, and we would do anything to have him back, but he was becoming a lot of work for Grams. My grandpa fell several times and it was always my grandma who had to get him back up. At 76 years old, that is more than she should have been trying to do especially because my grandpa was not a small man. He had problems with his heart as well as type two diabetes which he could have controlled better. As much as we all hate to admit it, it was a extreme burden lifted off Grandma's shoulders.
Grandma has been getting all of her affairs in order and for the most part is in good spirits. We were talking about how she was doing and what she had been up to. What she indicated as her biggest adjustment struck me the most. She said she was having a hard time remembering that she was the only one she had to take care of. Yesterday she went grocery shopping and was in the cookie isle. She realized that half of the groceries in the cart, including the bag of cookies that she had just picked up, were not even things that she really liked. She was buying things that my grandpa loved or requested frequently. She is having to relearn how to take care of herself and readjust her life with herself as priority. I couldn't even imagine reteaching yourself how to live. At least if anyone is capable, she is.
***The pic is of my grandparents right after they were married at their first house in Ft. Worth, TX. I wish I could have make it a little lighter, but it is one of my favorite pics of all time. Grams is showing some slip and smoking a cigarette.
6 comments:
A couple years back my grandpa passed away as well. One of the toughest parts is watching how hard it is for my grandma to go on without her best friend. We try to just remember the good times, and be there for her when we can. It must not be easy to write a post about the situation, and I really respect you for it.
That is an adorable picture. Isn't that what true love looks like?
Okay, I'm a sap - but it's true. What a touching story. Thanks for sharing it!
Your grandmother sounds like an amazing woman. I don't think that was too heavy of a subject of all. In my opinion, the best blogs reflect what is important to the author and come from somewhere real. Also, I really like the picture.
Your grandma sounds amazing! That's really great that you can talk to her and learn things about her past like that. When my grandpa died, my grandma didn't know what to do with herself. They had been married for 63 years, a lot of which they spent arguing and raising 8 kids. I was too young to know for sure, but I bet she went through the same kinds of adjustments, including grocery shopping. Isn't it amazing to think about being with someone for that long and becoming so much a part of each other that you would have to second guess your actions to make sure they were for you?
That is a great photo, and I'm glad you scanned(?) it, so you have a digital copy. I did the same thing with photos of my grandfather and great, great grandfather. With a little work in photoshop (in all the computer labs), you can lighten it, and in my case I had to fix a crease in the image.
I have the original hanging in my living room.
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